The Hungry Ghost

Hi Kids!

It’s the season of politics and elections and I have been quite busy of late and it’s only going to get worse. Fortunately I prepared an accurate forecast and hired ahead of the the rush; Politicians take note: operators are standing by to take your calls now. A word of caution: calls are monitored for quality assurance.

This month marks a milestone for me. The “anger management” classes, yoga and meditation are paying off – 6 months of inner peace, 6 months of limited outbursts, and 6 months of happy(ish) employees. To celebrate, I bought a new pussy! Who knew that sitting around stroking my pussy’s fur could be so relaxing? I’m addicted.

Now, besides it being the season of politics, you may have noticed it is the seasons of orgiastic shopping and consumption. It’s all so heartwarming to witness such pious restraint to mark a season of religious observation. Why am I mentioning this? Well, it’s not because I am bitter or anything – I mean few celebrate my birthday…which happens to be May 25… but, I digress. I mention the topic of orgiastic shopping because as I was watching a candidate struggling for attention without my help, an image more precious and rare than the Virgin Mary on a cheese sandwich appeared on my 60 inch plasma TV - the largest pair of diamond earrings I have ever seen outside a museum. I was mesmerized – the sparkle – the carat weight – the 3 billion year old egg-sized rocks ripped from the heart of the earth (6,000 years max, according to one candidate’s calculations) hanging from the plump candy earlobes of a queen; a representative of all that is right with the world - the one, the only… Oprah. Hell, I was so taken aback, I almost picked up the phone and handed over my Titanium American Express Card to this particular candidate just for a dream opportunity to see those earrings up close.

So, kids… who is this Oprah woman and why doesn’t she work for me? I did some research and she has more money than the Vatican. How could this be? Even the Vatican calls me up now and again. I’ve never heard of this woman. (Yes, I do live under a rock.) People worship this Oprah woman. Her ability to sway public opinion worries me and the bitch is mean. I saw her tear some guy a new asshole just because he stretched the truth a bit. Kids, I worry that she some sort of evil deity with a powerful ability to steal away my thunder.

Now, listen up while you have the chance!

Beware people of the Earth - my loyal followers, my fellow consumers. Turn away – do not be mesmerized by the Oprah woman’s blasphemous words. Resist her gifts of cars, washing machines and electoral votes. Turn away from the hypnotic lure of those bloody diamond earrings. She’s evil I tell you! However, if any of you do happen to get tickets to her show, give her my phone number. Operators are standing by.

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Copyright© 2007 Mark B. Papale All rights reserved